How to suck at blogging

There are many things I’m not good at. I try to get better at them by practicing, aren’t we all? But there is one thing I suck the most, and it’s blogging. Do you want to suck at blogging as well? Read on!

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy writing, I think, at least. But I’m not supposed to tell you about writing, because writing is the last thing that you should do when you want to suck at blogging. Here are few tips I’ve learned from my own experience.

Fight the urge to write

The first thing that you should do, is to set up the website, write the first post in which you declare that you will write regularly and then don’t write a word for months, or even better, don’t write at all. I know, I’m the master.

Sometimes, when you feel like writing and you really fail to procrastinate and actually write down few sentences worth posting. Oh boy, are you in trouble, because at this point you are just few clicks from not sucking at blogging. Then! You should immediately find out that the blog site that you launched few months ago, has aged a bit and need an update. You can’t publish on something that’s not perfect right?

Phew, saved from posting again! A success! You still suck at blogging!

Write so much that even you will fall asleep while reading.

Sometimes procrastination and over perfection isn’t enough to prevent you from posting. Words just can’t help but pour down from your fingers. It’s like a waterfall that can’t be stoped. This is a tough cookie for someone who want’s to suck at blogging. But here I am, ready to rescue you from yet another valuable post on your blog. Write a post so long, that you will fall a sleep twice (I know, it’s brilliant), first time while writing it and the second time while editing it. That’s a guarantee. Another day saved from achieving something! Yay!

Read instead of writing

If you are a perfectionist like me you will want to deliver a 300% of value, cover all the bases, you will need to do the research each time when you write something. Research is the best possible way to suck at blogging. Surprised? Let me tell you a bit more about it. Research have two stages:

1. Do the research
2. Write what you’ve learned.

Your task is to never start the second stage, there is always, ALWAYS, something to read on the topic at hand. Trust me.

Never publish, always forget to schedule. Draft is your friend!

When all methods have failed, and you actually managed to write a post that’s valuable, and well written. You can always forget to schedule it. It’s as simple as that.

But hey! I don’t want to limit you in your adventure, but in case you need more inspiration, here is the list of things that you can try to suck at blogging even more.

1. Schedule making the list of topics for next week
2. If you will actually succeed making the list of topics, save it in the wrong folder. Make it impossible to find.
3. Play minecraft on your PlayStation
4. Take a walk – it’s good for your back after all that playing.
5. Do some work instead
6. Draw some fun icons!

Ta DA! I’m the best worst blogger on the planet! Of course if you reading this post It means that I’ve somehow managed to publish it against my own advice and now I suck at blogging little less, but I think I’ll survive 😉